Glossary
Plain-language definitions of the terms used across the Learn modules. Skim for a quick reminder, or come back when a word in a module needs a little more context.
BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm)
A simple structure for written messages to a high-conflict co-parent. Keep each reply Brief (a few sentences), Informative (only the logistics that need an answer), Friendly (neutral, not cold), and Firm (clear, with no openings for a new argument). BIFF isn't about being distant — it's about removing the friction surfaces a fight needs to keep going.
Parallel parenting
A co-parenting approach where each parent runs their own household with minimal direct contact, communicating mainly in writing about concrete logistics. Unlike collaborative co-parenting, which assumes both parents will meet in the middle, parallel parenting accepts that low contact is the safest, most stable arrangement for a high-conflict situation. It is not punishment or exclusion — it is structure.
Gatekeeping
Withholding or controlling information, access, or contact that the other parent is entitled to — schedules, school and medical updates, or time with the child. Mild gatekeeping happens in many separations; in a high-conflict dynamic it becomes a repeating pattern. Courts tend to view it clearly, because a child's relationship with either parent is usually something the court wants protected.
Loyalty bind (loyalty conflict)
The position a child is placed in when they feel they must choose one parent over the other, or show loyalty to one to keep peace with the parent they live with most. The child is not deciding freely — they are managing two relationships under pressure. The healthy adult response is to never ask the child to choose, and to make it safe for them to love both parents.
Parental alienation
A pattern in which one parent pushes a child to reject the other parent — sometimes openly, more often through many small daily signals. It is not the same as a child simply preferring one household, and it should not be assumed without ruling out other honest explanations first (normal teenage distancing, anxiety about transitions, a real difficult experience, grief, or sensory needs). Courts and evaluators are cautious about the label, so it is best approached honestly and documented factually rather than used as an accusation.
Protection order
A court order designed to keep one person away from another to prevent harm or threats. In a family context it can restrict contact, set distance, or govern exchanges. A protection order is a legal document — if you need one or one has been filed against you, talk to a lawyer about what it requires and what it permits. Steady Path is not a legal service and cannot tell you whether one applies to your situation.
Disengagement
Choosing not to engage with the fight while staying reliably responsive on substance. It means answering schedules, medical, school, and money questions promptly and briefly, and being completely unavailable for accusations, character debates, and provocation. It is not silence as punishment, and it is not ignoring court orders or deadlines — those still need prompt, lawyered attention.
High conflict
A repeating pattern in which co-parenting stays stuck in a fight: blame cycles, frequent filings, gatekeeping, and loyalty pressure on the child. The key trait is that the conflict is the point, not the topic — the argument about soccer is rarely about soccer. Once you see the pattern underneath the content, you stop trying to win individual arguments and start changing the dynamic itself.
Contemporaneous documentation
Recording what happened at or near the time it happened, factually and unemotionally — a brief, dated note made the same day rather than a reconstruction weeks later. Contemporaneous notes are far more credible later, in court or with a professional, than memory reconstructed under stress. The goal is a calm, factual record: what, when, who, what was said, what was agreed.